Like anyone else, I don’t go through life experiencing one static emotional state. Moment to moment, things change. And to be honest, most of the time I have no interest in this roller coaster. I’d rather zone out. The wisest part of me, the one I share with every other human in this world, knows that zoning out will not bring happiness or even any kind of long lasting relief from the suffering of just being. Instead, I will probably end up hurting myself through a never ending oscillation between overdoing it and not even bothering.
We have been taught hard work and productivity equates to success. I don’t disagree with this formula except for the fact that success is so often assumed to be the key to happiness. If we transform our bodies to look a particular way, we’ll be loveable. If we have a certain job, we’ll get respect and recognition. If we own the latest and greatest whatever, we will be envied. And anyone who has achieved their goals will tell you that while there may have been moments of joy or satisfaction, these states of being were short lived and that eventually, it was business as usual.
This endless cycle of lofty goal, plan, work hard, WIN never seems to fully satisfy. And it’s because we use it to distract ourselves from how completely chaotic our minds truly are. We select from a wide array of readily available and toxic distractions to get away from ourselves because it is terrifying to sit with all the feels.
I am learning to be with all the feels, no matter how boring, distasteful or painful they may be. To only live for the highs is to condemn ourselves to an existence of never knowing peace. Nothing will ever feel like enough.
May we be peaceful. May we be safe. May we not eat/shop/work/fornicate/drink our feelings into oblivion.