The worst spirals my brain drags me down are when I believe someone is thinking poorly of me either because of something I did or said. I have full dress rehearsals in my head all day and all night about how I will defend myself against their ire. If I’m alone, and sometimes when I’m not, I will start verbalizing entire one sided conversations as I deflect each of their points about how and why I am totally lame.
But when I come up for air from these episodes of drowning in my own thoughts, it hits me: No one is actually thinking about me. Not really. Perhaps they are thinking about something I did or said, but that’s not really me. Me is not equivalent to one conversation, one mistake or one win. Me is so much more than any one thing I might of said or done, and Me is certainly so much more than how others perceive my words or actions. So, they are actually thinking of themselves and how life, and perhaps my guest appearance in it, is making them feel and think.
No one’s thinking about me, not really. So if they’re not thinking about me, if they are instead reacting and responding to an infinite combination of experiences, innate natures and external nurtures, then it really doesn’t matter what I do in regards to other people. I can do what feels right for me...goodness gracious, banana waffles, this is amazing!
Legit not worrying about what other people think is not the same as dismissing the safety and needs of others. Instead, it’s turning inwards and being really honest with ourselves. It’s about not hiding our true natures behind the busy work of things that don’t really matter like trying to impress others. If we actually stopped worrying about how other people perceive us, then we could get to the good stuff of living an authentic life of love, compassion and kindness.
Working on it.